Ok so I pretty much haven’t posted in about 5 months.  I’m sorry.  I’ve thought about it several times.  But always thought perhaps my ex would stumble upon it.  He seemed to be having such a hard time, so I didn’t want to make things harder on him.  Heck, I worried about his feelings more than my own.  But this was something I was used to since the start of our relationship.  Anyhoo, now I am back.  I realized that I had to stop blaming myself for wanting to be happy.  It just wasn’t going to happen there.  I TRIED to make it work for over 3 years, and I just couldn’t.  Everyone deserves to be happy right?

Just for all of you who don’t already know, I no longer live in MO.  I now live in CO, in my moms basement no less.  BUT hey, I’m happy   I can’t tell you how nice it is to be around family.  I have missed them so much!  I’ve always been super close to my family.  I get to see family all the time here.  My cousin Holly moved with me.  She left a bad relationship, so we started over together.  This last week she came to stay with me while I watched my sisters pup.  Sis and kids went off to Cali for the week.  Someday I will go there!

But yeah, Holly and I had a great time.  I’ve got cousins out here too that I get to see from time to time.  It’s just so nice having a TRUE support system.   Cool stuff!  I’ve been going to the gym since I got here and have lost ALMOST 60lbs   I am so happy about it!  My cousin Holly and I did a 5k last Sat.  That was a lot of fun.  Mon I am going to do the famous BolderBoulder!  It’s a 10k, and I haven’t done it for 6 years now.  I am just going to walk it, but if I get it done I will be so happy.  I can’t believe how far I have come since I moved out here, especially with the foot injury.

It’s really nice to have my freedom to be able to go where I want and do what I want and not have to check in.  If I wanna be at the gym an extra hour, done!  If I wanna go in to work early, done!  If I need to stay late, done!  I forgot how much I missed that.  I like being able to go out with friends and not have any drama involved.  I got back in to counseling and I am actually learning a lot about the last 3 years.  It’s good to know I am not crazy or that my feelings aren’t anyway.

I’m really trying to get things back spiritually.  I’ve been meeting with the Bishop and things are heading in the right direction.  I seriously LOVE the Gospel.  I am so thankful for the atonement and the power of repentance.  I’ve made goals to keep me on track and now I have nothing holding me back!  I love reading the scriptures, sometimes it feels like things were meant just for me.

I guess I better stop writing now.  There will be plenty more days for that.  I DON”T FEEL GUILTY ANYMORE!  Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive during this crazy time.  I love you all!